About six weeks ago, Clare wrote a post about her motivation to recover from her eating disorder. Part of her reasoning was that she thought about the women that she admired most and realized their appeal had nothing to do with their looks, but entirely about their personality, their work and their talent.
Her thoughts stuck with me over the past several weeks, and the concept of being like those I admire was always in the back of my mind. I had intended to write this post weeks ago, but it wasn’t until recently that I really sat down and thought about what I wanted to say and, more importantly, who I want to be.
(Source)
As many of you know, I’m in a difficult point in my life. I’m in limbo between being a law student and figuring out where I fit in the world, finding a job and becoming an “adult.” I haven’t been handling it very well; getting overly stressed and anxious, feeling lost and confused, all which has resulted in several bad days and one not so fun anxiety attack.
However, as I sat down at my desk early Saturday morning, I decided that even though I can’t control everything, there are many things that I can work on right now. I need to stop focusing on feeling like I’m not good enough and start focusing on how I can improve my life through my actions and mindset. Then I reflected on peopled that I admire and really envisioned who I wanted to be in my daily life, writing down a list as I went.
Some of these are serious, some are a little vain, and others very personal to my own journey, but I hope that sharing my list with you will help you to think about the kind of person you want to be.
I see… a woman who is often smiling and cracking jokes, who doesn’t take things too seriously.
I see… a woman who knows how to work hard, how to inspire her colleagues and how to produce results and be productive.
I see… a woman who is fit and healthy, who can go for a run or take a workout class whenever she feels like it without worrying about not having energy or having a bloated stomach from over-eating.
I see… a woman who sees food as fuel and as something to appreciate and enjoy, not as an activity to cope with boredom or emotions.
I see… a woman who has great style and class, a woman who enjoys fashion for fun and confidence, and not as a way for others to judge her.
I see… a woman who, when speaking with others, makes everyone feel important through listening and focusing completely on that person without distractions.
I see… a woman who remembers the little things about people and who takes the time to send cards, gifts and thoughtful notes.
I see… a woman who does her best, loves the little things in life, and who embraces every moment and seizes every opportunity without anxiety or worry about doing enough or being enough.
What are qualities that you envision in the person you want to be?
I know it’s hard to hear and that EVERYONE is probably telling you this, but take advantage of your ‘break’ time! You might never get another break like this to yourself until retirement – crazy to think! Just like you said, your smart and motivated and will definitely find your way 🙂
Haha I doubt I’ll get a break like this for a long time! Trying to take advantage and not feel too guilty about doing nothing…
I love this, Katie. As you know, I have definitely been there, anxiety attacks and all. Even though I have found a freelance job, I’m still struggling because I’m not sure how long the project will last. I could be right back in the same place in a few weeks from now. Everything’s so unpredictable, and I guess we have to try our best to embrace it!
That’s definitely the problem with freelance: no consistency. I’m sure once you get used to it and get the hang of finding jobs you’ll feel a lot more comfortable with it!
Katie, what an inspiring post! I see all of those things when I read your blog! I am sure you have moments where your behaviour is not perfectly in-line with the things on your list… but those moments are the exception! You are that person you want to be already – she is your authentic YOU! Thanks for being so honest and vulnerable with all of us.
Haha I think she’s deep down inside me somewhere! Thank you!
i see that same person! great post and yes, you are in limbo but GOD uses that time of limbo to keep your growing and using you! like he did in this post. <3
He’s definitely working on me right now!
I absolutely love this. And you. Enjoy your time off, do fun things, and realize that you’re pretty dang amazing already.
Thanks, Carly!
Oh Katie, I remember the few months after graduating from college and having so many of the same feelings. It is SO hard to go from being a student to being out in the world, but I love how positive you are being, and I see all of those things in you too. You are amazing my friend, and I know very soon you’re going to find the beginning of this next chapter very soon. You are so smart and hardworking that it’s only a matter of time!
Thank you, Ari!!!
I can relate to not being sure about where you fit into the world. I think everyone goes through something similar.
Sounds like you know the direction you want to go in, and you’re working to make yourself the person you want to be though.
Thanks, Fiona!
Great post! I agree with the other commenters that I already see a lot of these things from reading your blog! I believe that all things happen for a reason, so maybe this time is just something you need before the best job in the world comes and smacks you over the head :).
I agree – everything happens for a reason. Haha just waiting to be smacked in the head!
This is such a great post! I think we’re all so hard on ourselves sometimes, I know I certainly am. Taking a break sometimes isn’t a bad thing. I think it helps us to figure who we are and who we want to be. It probably doesn’t seem like it, but it sounds to me like you’re on the right path to becoming that person who you want to be, and that’s awesome!
Thanks Holly! Haha yea, I don’t love having nothing to do but it will probably turn out to be a good thing!
I love this! I think it’s the perfect thing for you to have done at this tough time for you. Great idea! Good things come to those who wait, no matter how trying that waiting may be. 😉
Thanks, Courtney! Haha waiting is definitely trying, but hopefully good will come out of it!
I actually attended a Purpose Workshop this morning. We were asked to introduce ourselves as we hope to be 20 years from now. That was an enlightening exercise. You’ll find your path. 🙂
Oh wow, that would be a really interesting exercise!
One of my favorite posts you’ve ever written. 🙂 I know it’s tough right now, but it won’t be forever. And I have a feeling God is in the midst of teaching you something so awesome. Hugs!
Aww thanks, Ashley!
LOVE this, Katie. I’ve been doing much of the same lately. Unemployment lends itself to a lot of soul searching, doesn’t it? I’m working part-time now but I still have no idea where I’m going to “end up”…I’m trying to look at it as being exciting, not scary anymore.
Haha so much time for soul searching when unemployed!
Love this! And you are definitely all those things and an inspiration. I can imagine things are rough feeling in between, but I’m so happy you’re not letting it define you. These things are the things that should define you. Hugs!
Thank you, Tina!
You’re amazing! And you WILL be all those things!! Love this post!
Thank you, Clare!
i love this post! i’m in a transition phase, as well – i finished grad school with a degree in clinical psych last spring and have been unsuccessful in finding a full-time job (i’m nannying part-time right now). this past year has been such an emotional struggle for me, but similar to your situation, i’m in the middle of lots of soul searching… i’m trying to figure out who i want to be and what i want to do with my life. it’s been tough, but i’m trying to hang in there. good luck to you! hopefully big things are just around the corner and will be worth the wait! 🙂
We are definitely in the same place, it’s pretty rough! Hopefully we’ll both find our next steps soon!
This is such a beautiful, fantastic post!! You’re SO right that your thoughts will def become your actions/ultimately make up who you are.
So even just writing this post will continue you on your journey of where you want to end up <3 so awesome.
I love how thoughtful you are too–so I DEF see that in youuuu!
and right now, I see……me going into labor!! hah.
xo
Haha I agree – I see… a woman going into labor! NOW!
Katie, those words are absolutely true! I love your post because it is true for many of us much of the time. I think if you are challenging yourself and growing you are uncomfortable. To me, that is where you are and I hope you continue to stretch yourself -physically and mentally. I have no doubt you will find the way that is right for you. Remember we often cannot control what happens, but we can control our attitude about it. Love to you.
Thank you, Marty! It’s definitely uncomfortable, but probably best for me right now!
What a great post! I think I see all if these things in your blog. Sending job finding vibes your way! Just keep focusing on the current goal. Nothing has to be forever, what you do next will not define you if you don’t want it to.
Thank you, Sarah! Haha hopefully it isn’t forever! I know it won’t be, just hard to see the end!
This is such a wonderful post. I am so glad that I read it this morning. I have really been struggling with my identity for the past year or so and it has really taken a toll and is beginning to put so much strain and unneeded stress on my daily life. I have begun to measure myself in a very superficial manner and it’s time that I stop. Little reminders like this blog post are helping me kick this mindset to the curb – slowly but surely 🙂 Thanks again!
Oh I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Diane. It’s so important for us to sit down and think about what we really want out of life and to look at the important things, not the silly and superficial things.
I think many women feel the same way you do – and I know I’ve had my fair share of anxiety attacks throughout the beginning of my twenties. I know I’m still trying to figure out “who I want to be” and it is something that needs thought; it definitely doesn’t just ‘happen’ out of the blue. You’ve inspired me to do this for myself and really sit down. I’m hoping that next year will be my year to find all this out before I really start pushing for my career. I think it is going to be the best thing for me after just going for so many years with school + working the latter bunch of those years. =)
You are amazing. =)
It’s good to know I’m not alone! And I agree, these things don’t happen on their own, it takes work sometimes to become who you really want to be and make strides forward in your life. Good luck with your career in this next year!
aww, nice post. i’m happy i’ve come across your blog 🙂
Thank you, Crista!
Great post!!!
Thanks Em!
This is really wonderful- thanks for sharing so many of your thoughts!
Being in a “transitional” point is SUPER TOUGH. I’ve been there for over a year now and while I’ve made a lot of steps in the right direction, I’m still not “where I want to be.” Just know that everything you’ve done up until this point will get you to where you’re meant to be!!
Thank you, Lauren!
I wasn’t going to comment.. but I had to.
Every thing I read in your list I could agree with 100%… but then I have to remember, and I hope you remember to, that of course it’s great to strive for things.. BUT nobody is perfect. The women you want to “be” sounds perfect. But you know what? Its okay to eat a bit too much sometimes.. its okay to eat because your sad every-now- and then.. its okay to be in a BAD mood and not feel like being funny… its okay to not have times to send your friends the birthday cards you want to send… its OKAY. you are enough right now. at this moment. in your body. with whatever you have and havent done. you are enough.
Thank you, Aimee, that’s a really sweet and thoughtful comment! You are definitely right, I am not perfect, no one is! I do, however, think we can always work on self improvement and trying to be the best version of ourselves and that’s really what this post was about. My list definitely reflects a “perfect” looking person, so I appreciate the reminder that as I’m trying to be best, who I am is good enough!
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