As I mentioned in my review of the Intuitive Eating Challenge last week, I’d yet to have my final phone call with Jamie. As I picked up the phone, I was prepared to talk about the rough week I’d had, eating-wise, how I’d let stress and emotions get to me and just been a mess all around. When we started talking, however, food was not mentioned once, intuitive eating was not mentioned once, and that’s why I wanted to come back to the challenge and share one more thing with all of you that I’ve learned through working with Jamie.
The idea behind intuitive eating is following your instincts, trusting yourself, appreciating who you are right now and not thinking so much about every little detail. What I realized during this phone call that the idea behind intuitive eating is really how we should think about all aspects of our lives: our careers, our friends, our relationships and our every day.
Growing up, I was taught that appearances are important. I’m not just talking about what you wear and looking appropriate, but how you act and come across as well. Obviously manners were important, but so was making and sticking to commitments, doing well and trying hard in any activity that you attempted, making a good first impression, doing well in school, having a good application or resume; the list goes on and on. I’m not saying these aren’t important aspects to life or good values to learn, but they were all very important to me. Appearing “perfect” became very important to me.
Recognizing that aspect of myself was necessary, but the most critical thing is learning how to place a lower value on my appearance to others. A piece of advice that Jamie gave me was to check in with myself throughout the day, ask myself why I’m doing the things that I’m doing. Am I doing this because of what someone else would think of me?
Why am I wearing this? Why am I so anxious to talk to that guy? Why am I avoiding this subject with someone? Why am I going out when I don’t feel well and just want to go home? Why am I not speaking up if I have something to say?
I realize this sounds like a lot of questions, but stopping and asking myself just a couple of these questions each day, has already made me relax a bit and let my guard down. The point behind this exercise, and of this post really, is to learn how to just be your “true and honest self.”
The reason we all try to keep up appearances is to avoid rejection, but if you love yourself and are confident in yourself, then being rejected won’t shake you up or upset you as much. Why is that? Because this “true and honest self” is the person you really are. This is the person you want people to love and appreciate. If they can’t love and appreciate you the way you really are, then they aren’t the right people for you.
Having that confidence in yourself and believing in yourself is how you put yourself in situations that make you happy and surround yourself with people that make you happy. If you have to “keep up appearances” for someone to like you, is that person really right for you? I don’t think so.
So you do you. Be you. Love you. Everything else will fall into place.
Thanks for sharing this today. I needed to hear it. Rejection is hard. The whole eating thing goes well beyond food. It’s about every facet of our lives. We don’t need to impress anybody but ourselves, and once we do that, the rest will fall into place naturally.
Exactly, Sarah!
Great post! A very motivational way to start off the day. Thank you for sharing!
Well thank you for reading, Alyssa!
SO TRUE. thanks for sharing!
I’m glad you liked it, Maureen!
This is something I constantly struggle with. Recovering from depression and eating disorders really warps your way of thinking about both yourself and the world around you, and sometimes it’s so hard to get back to a “normal” perspective. This post is definitely getting bookmarked for the times when I need a little kick in the butt to stop hating myself because there’s so much about me that I can and should love. Thanks so much for this post!
Aww I’m glad you found it helpful, Beth! I agree that it is really hard to get to a place like this, it’s a daily struggle for all of us and I wish you the best!
This really resonates with me. In particular the two parts where you said: “Appearing ‘perfect’ became very important to me” And “Am I doing this because of what someone else would think of me?”
I’m glad you could relate, I hope it was helpful!
Love this <3
Thanks, Emily! P.S. I really think we need to meet sometime, we live too close not to!
Beautiful post my love! Would love to FaceTime/Skype you soon! So proud of all of the POSITIVE changes in your life! AMAZING! LOVE YOUUU
Awwww thanks Meg, love you too!!!! I would never have done this without you!!
Great post! There’s one thing I learned with IE…outside of IE. Intuitive eating is an incredible thing…it breaks you of attaching emotion or boredom or whatever it is that you associate with food. However, there’s one thing to always keep in mind…your cues can be off. If you’ve been terrible about never eating breakfast to essentially break the fast after hours of sleeping, it’s not healthy when your cue to feed your starving body isn’t sounding an alarm. It’s important to make sure you’re fueling your body properly and THEN focus on intuitive eating. (Does this make sense?) It’s super important to listen to your body…but super important for it to be efficiently reminding you of when it’s hungry.
It does make sense, Melissa, although not exactly relevant to my post today! Thanks though!
Hi first time commenting! Just wanted to say I really relate to your post today and the feeling of “perfection” becoming very important to me as I grew up. And asking yourself “am I doing this because of what someone else would think of me?” is a GREAT idea! It seems like something that might help me on a daily basis also.
Hope you have a great Tuesday 🙂
Thanks for commenting, Jenny! I’m so glad you’re able to relate and I hope it helps. Have a great day!
Advice I always try to follow was, if your mother were to find out what you are doing, would you be proud?
I love the self discovery and love post. You feel so much more free!
Thanks, Declan!
Very well said!! It’s so true that we go through life and many of our choices are based on what someone else will think. It’s a tough thing to let go of but I agree, if we can each be a little more of ourselves and let go of what other might think, we can be more relaxed, happy and confident.
It is hard to let go of, but even if we put a little less of an importance on what other people think then it’s a success!
thats one of my fav take aways too!!! just being your total self without judgment, and allowing yourself the Grace to be int he unknown, the messy, the imperfect.
Exactly! I’m glad you got the same message from the challenge!
I really needed to hear this today, thank you for posting! i like that you allowed the challenge to adapt to every facet of your life – that’s so important and will only help you in the long run. Good luck and even though the challenge stressed you out, you learned a lot more than you originally planned!
I’m glad this was helpful for you, Megan!
A great reminder! I definitely have massive rejection fears, so I tend to keep quiet and not say what’s on my mind/do what I truly want to do. I’m working on continuing to build my self confidence so that rejection isn’t nearly as scary.
It’s all about confidence!
I completely, 5,000% agree with this post! I know I’ve commented about my IE experiences before, but when I truly began my IE journey about 1.5 years ago, and once I truly understand the meaning of IE, I felt so much pressure in other aspects of my life was gone! I think the most valuable thing I have gained from IE is that I am comfortable (most of the time) just being myself.
When people criticize, or are judgemental of IE being just “another fad,” I do understand because what doesn’t seem like “another fad” these days? But IE is truly so much more than food 🙂 You said it perfectly!!!!!
I’m glad to hear that IE has been so great for you! And I hate that it seems like a “fad” because it’s how we should naturally be!
fantabulous post love! I used to struggle with this a lot- I think a lot of us always want to be perfect but perfect is relative to each person so we tend to try and be perfect in other people’s eyes-if that makes sense?
I know we’ve talked about this a lot but I think it’s important to remember that YOU are important too- you can’t just do whatever anyone wants you to do or what is expected from you. I used to do whatever and feel obligated to do everything and you know how I am now…I like to do things my way, and if I don’t like to do something I just don’t. It’s possible, trust me!
LOVE YOU!
I’m so bad at doing what’s expected of me and feeling obligated, you’re so right! LOVE YOU MORE!
I was going to write out a long comment but then read Kelsey’s above and realized I was going to say something really similar. I still struggle with trying to appear perfect or close to it but I try to remind myself that I’m important too. What I want to do, how I spend my time, etc. should all be my priorities, not what other people think I should do. Sometimes it feels a little selfish to prioritize myself but the self-confidence that comes with it is definitely worth it.
Love you!!
I like what you both are saying, being a little selfish and putting yourself first is so important!
You are a great writer. I think sometimes bloggers are afraid to touch on topics underneath the happy surface for fear of sounding too preachy, to know-it-all, or offending a group of readers. I think you do a great job at not doing any of that, but keeping it real.
That is such a great compliment, thank you, Jane!
THANK YOU so much for posting this! Exactly what I needed to hear today and a great reminder. I participated in the IE Challenge in March and really learning to trust the process because it’s definitely slow. But learning so much along the way!
I’m so glad I could help, Becca!
This is a FANTASTIC post. I love this so so much. And I agree 100%. I think it’s why I am so much happier than I was back in the day, as well. I am a perfectionist at heart, so for me, this is very easy to happen to (appearing perf all the time).
In teaching fitness classes, I’ve learned the tough way that not everyone is gonna like me or the way I run a class. And that is OKAY. I can’t please everyone. And when I am ME, the people who enjoy being with me, come back & love the class, and the negative people and those who don’t jive with my style, don’t stick around. Same with friends & acquaintances. SO SO important. BE you. Be me. Love it!!! love ya <3
I’m a perfectionist at heart too! And I’m sure that was hard to deal with in teaching classes, I always like everyone to like me so I’d also have a hard time just being confident in myself and not worrying about the “haters”
What a perfect post girl! I think everyone, but especially women, forget who we even want to be..not what we think everyone else wants us to be! I am going to try and ask myself a few of those questions today and see how it goes! 🙂
That’s a great way of putting it Jana – we want to be what everyone else wants us to be, and that’s just not a great way to live our lives!
This is a great post! I am constantly trying to live up to a certain expectation that either I hold for myself or others hold for me. I will definitely take your advice by check in with myself throughout the day and ask myself why I am doing something!
It’s so important to work towards our own expectations of ourselves and not everyone else’s!
I think this is a fantastic post, and I’m really glad you put this out there. I think it’s a message a lot of people, particularly the type-A people-pleaser seeking-perfection type of people who end up gravitating towards this HLB-y community, need to hear again and again because I think a lot of us, myself certainly included, tend to struggle with self-appreciation. I know for me at least, a significant amount of my self-worth has always come from how I think others see me, which naturally leads to that thought that keeping up appearances is the most important thing to making people like you. When you spend so much time with that mentality, I think it can be tough to even know for sure who you really are as a person anymore — being able to differentiate what you’re doing because it’s who you authentically are, and what you’ve been doing as a way to gain the love of others. I love the message you’re sending with this post, so thanks for writing it.
I totally agree, Bethany and thank you!
I think it’s important to be YOU so that you can finally understand YOU! It takes time, patience, and well.. questions!
Thanks, Lindsay!
You go, girl 🙂 So happy for you for realizing how special you are just being you.
Thanks, Caitlin!
so proud of you for posting about this. even by posting so honestly about what you’re going through shows how vulnerable you can be and how “you” you can be. i cant wait to see how this message continues to play a part in your life. your words are beautiful, thank you so much for sharing. xoxo.
Thank YOU for helping me, Jamie!
Great post Katie. And those glasses are too funny!
Thanks, Sunnie!
Great post! I was thinking the other day about why I do certain things and realized that I do a lot of things because I think it’ll make others happy. Sometimes, I need to just do ME things and not worry about how they make others feel
Exactly!!
Like always, great post!! xoxo
Thanks, Em!
love this posts! well said girl!
that is one thing we work on everyday – just be us and love who we are 🙂
HUGS
thanks, ladies!
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Katie,
This is the first time I have ever stopped by and read your blog and I must say it was just what I needed. Thank you so much for such a great and inspiring post. I must admit that I’ll be stopping by to read your blog daily now!!
Thank you so much, Amy!
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